Teen Brain Phenomenon is Real!

I was absolutely floored last week, when my son revealed he gave out his cell phone number on the internet! We recently had the conversation about the dangers that lurk on the internet when I presented a program on internet safety to our middle school, so my brain couldn't wrap itself around the fact that he blatantly went against one of the number one rules that are in place for use of the internet in our house- NO PERSONAL INFORMATION is to be given out on the internet for ANY reason!

I was furious with him. I raised my voice in a manner which is reserved for serious offenses and felt panic well up inside of my body. What would have possessed him to be so careless? What part of grooming" did he not understand? (grooming is when a predator will pretend to be whatever sex or aged child he needs to be in order to lure a child into trusting him so the child will reveal personal information). I took a deep breath and sat my son down for a long talk about how serious this situation could be.

This time, I was very specific about what can happen when personal information is revealed to someone he doesn't know. He was in a popular game room for younger children and told me he knew this person was a girl his age from England. I asked him "how do you know she is from England?"

"She told me she is. She gave me her phone number too."

"You didn't call or text her did you?"

"No," he said with trepidation. The cell phone issue is an entirely different beast we'll save for another day. In the meantime, I was flabbergasted that he took what this person said as fact. "How do you know this person is who she says she is?"

"Mom, who's going to be on #$%^& site other than kids anyway?" Ahhhh, I wanted to scream. He went on further to say, "I didn't give her my name or any other information."

I said, "so you gave out false information, what makes you think she isn't telling you things that aren't true too?"

I was puzzled at how he wasn't connecting that if he creates false user information, what makes him think these other people aren't also. It's text book for a predator to do just that. I said, "I think its time we watch the internet DVD together."

I received an Internet Safety DVD from the organization Enough Is Enough which has real, heart wrenching stories about children his age who believed the same things he did. He looked at me with some fear, but I didn't hold back this time. I became very specific about the types of things that can happen to kids his age and reiterated why I am so very serious about the rules involving the internet. I am more than willing to be flexible when need be, but not in this situation.

From there, we talked about the dangers that exist everywhere, even our community. He had a hard time believing danger was close to home because we live in a neighborhood filled with families. I said, "let me show you then." He looked at my wide eyed and said "how can you find out?"

"There's a web site John Walsh started called Family Watch Dog which shows the location of all registered offenders." I emphasized "registered," because I want him to know that not all of them are listed. So we pulled up the web site, typed in our zip code and up popped a handful of offenders. He was surprised and a bit concerned. I showed him where they lived, where they worked and further explained how they could show up in someone's life. He finally understood why mom is always so concerned about where they go, with whom, and why I need to know at all times. Throughout the rest of the day, he randomly popped up with- "mom, I'm sorry." We didn't even have to speak about it. He knew.

I have to reflect on the reality that he is young and his brain is definitely not as mature as I sometimes like to think it is. I remember his preschool teachers telling me how they treated him as though he was older, because he seemed so mature for his age. Children are so innocent they just trust and believe what people tell them; even one's who are noticeably aware and intuitive like my son. I would never have guessed he would give out personal information on the internet, especially because of how open and communicative we are with one another, but the reality is he did and thank goodness I was able to sit him down and paint an unfortunate, but realistic picture. For now, he understands the dangers he has to be aware of, but his brain will undoubtedly lapse again and we will have to go through the process once more.

If there is one piece of advice I can give parents as both a parent and a coach- remember your children aren't capable of managing all of what they are dealt and need your guidance to be constantly reminded of the dangers they have to be aware of. At this point, I needed to instill some fear into the seriousness of the issue. I am all for the innocence I feel is stolen from our children much too early, but safety is the number one thing we have to ensure. I know I did!

©2009 by Tara Paterson, All Rights Reserved

Overview of Available Cell Phone Plans for Families

Sprint Service and Phone
* Allows parents to set wireless ‘boundaries’ for the phone to work.
* Controls which contacts can be entered into the phone book.
* Restricts incoming calls to those that are programmed by the parent.
Cost: $79.99; the parental control feature is part of the phone and can be added to your family plan.

Verizon Service and Phone
* “Chaperone Service” parents can restrict numbers and calling times
* “Child Zone Service” allows parents to locate your child’s phone from your phone or computer. You set up the locations such as home or school and receive text messages when the phone leaves those areas.

Cost: The Chaperone service must be activated by a Family Share account, which is $9.99 per month. Chaperone with Child Zone feature costs $19.99 a month.

AT&T “Smart Limits”
* Limits for number of texts and instant messages
* Limits dollar amount of downloadable purchases (ringtones, games, etc)
*Limits times of day the phone can be used
*Limits who the phone can call or text (incoming and outgoing)
*Limits Internet content access

FireFly Phone
* Has 5 buttons to store up to 20 numbers, has designated buttons for ! ! ‘Mom’and ‘Dad’ and ‘emergency’.
* PIN protection allows parents to limit incoming and outgoing calls to numbers stored in the phone book.
*Also has upgrades: GlowPhone $49.99, FlyPhone, $99.99

TicTalk
*Kids ages 6 and up and comes with five educational games
*Parents can put the child’s spelling list in to be used in Hangman.
*Parents control incoming/outgoing calls, the times of day to call
* Cost: $99, $9.99 a month (AT&T only) also pre-paid cards

Whereifone
*For ages 6 to 10 built in GPS, fed to you via web or phone access
*Parents can see where the phone has been- get periodic updates.
* A 20-number phone book where parents can restrict calls
* An “SOS” panic button for emergencies.
* Cost: $80, $20 per month plans

Sample Cell Phone Contract

_________ will be given a cell phone for his/her birthday and will be used with the discussed following rules:

_________All Contacts in the Phone Book must be approved by Mom or Dad

_________No Phone calls after 9pm weekdays, 10pm weekends unless they are to Mom and Dad, or pre-approved by us.

_________Our Plan allows maximum of 200 text messages a month.

_________No Cell Phone at any meal table or during family time (may ask permission if school related).

_________Web Surfing has been disabled.

_________If asked to turn off/stop playing/get off cell phone, must do so immediately.

_________When at home will only use the regular phone instead of cell phone to make calls.

________When out with friends will always have cell phone with you and ‘on’ so mom and dad can reach you if needed.


If the following rules have not been met, we will have to implement the following discussed consequences:

________If you go over in texts, you must pay the difference (the phone company charges 10 cents per text)

________If you go over in minutes, you must pay the difference for that month, if it happens again, then your allotted time for usage will decrease (8pm weekdays, no cell phone on Sundays).

_________If asked more than twice to turn off/put down cell phone, or the phone is used during meal or family time, personal phone privileges will be removed for a day (only may be used to call mom and dad).

________This is a one-month trial period, if all rules are followed for thirty days, mom and dad will increase hours on weekends.

________This contract will be reevaluated every six months as _____ gets older to possibly receive more texts, web surf or receive extra money for ring tones etc.



Signed:

Date:


(courtesy of Vanessa Van Petten, www.OnTeensToday.com)